August 25th, 2011, day 152, having a big dick


So, as I said in my last post, I fucked my wife with a strap on last night. For background, I’m pretty small, a little less than 4.5″. My wife and I have never had any other partners, so a few years ago we speculated that my small penis might be one cause of our lousy sex life, so i bought a penis extension. I know people say size doesn’t matter, but it was clear she enjoyed a larger penis more.

Recently, after 4 months of chastity, I made love to her with Tue extension, and to ly surprise just as she was about to climax, I got off by mistake.

I was really excited to see her really enjoying penatrative sex, and offered to get a strap on so i could make love to her while still locked with no chance of me getting off. So agreed, making some jokes about being a half lesbian couple, and last night we tried it.

So, I have to admit that I am a bit fucked up about penis size. I never really knew I was small until recently, and after seeing ky wife react positively to a big penis extension, I slipped into this humiliation spiral. Well, I enjoy it a little to much now, which is part of the reason I felt the need to be locked up. And even though it was rubber, last night having that 8″ strapped on made me feel so much more masculine, even though it was probably the furthest thing from it. Seeing my wife’s eyes roll back in her head when I penetrated her was such a turn on, and unfortunately something i will never achieve with my own penis.

But what the hell, this was a lot of fun. I’ll give up (most) of my orgasms to see my wife react that way.

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August 25th, 2011, day 152 (sort of), so i strapped it on…


So i haven’t been getting here as often, I knew that was bound to happen, but i want to try to make sure I get some of the important stuff down. Like last night for example, I sucked my wife with a big purple strap on. Now there’s something I never expected to say or write. It came in the mail a few days ago, and I have been dying to use it. I had already tried it on and got everything adjusted, but my wife was having her period last week, and has been a little sick this week. She told me to vacuum the whole house, and I asked if there could be a reward. She said, “I’d like you to vibrate me.”. Which was nice to hear. I asked if i could strap it on, and she said maybe.

I finished my vacuuming, and brought her some wine. I asked her if i could use the strap on, and she said she would rather use the Magic Wand, and that the strap on was still a little strange to her. I told her I understood, anf asked if i could just penetrate her with it, and then we would switch to the Magic Wand, and that way we could work on getting over the awkwardness of.her seeing me with a big purple strap on. She still said no, so i pulled out the big guns. I offered to clean the bathroom.

This did the trick, and a few minutes I was stepping into the harness, and tightening up my 8″ purple dildo.

We tried it out, and she definitely liked the feel, but wanted to switch over to the wand, so we did. She had several great orgasms, and I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom.

All and all a fun night.

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August 21st, 2011, day 148, Romantic Love:


OK, so now onto the mushy emotional stuff.  So while I was in my long run of 4+ months without an orgasm, I had noticed some serious emotional changes.  A lot of them were typical of what I’ve heard described by other chastity enthusiasts, primarily a sense of safety, security, a little dependence, feeling sexual excitement in many other parts of my body, and the strongest, crazy assed romantic love for my wife.  Like, sick, sappy, teenage puppy love.  It was great, it really was a feeling I didn’t expect to ever recapture after being together for nearly 20 years.  For anyone who has been with a partner for a long period, you know that the feelings of love change a lot.  Not in a bad way, but that silly teenage romantic love is replaced with respect, devotion, security, etc.  It’s great, it’s just very different.  There are hints of romantic love mixed in at times, special events, anniversaries, birth of children, smells that remind you of your courtship, but they are fleeting moments.

 

Well, chastity brought that feeling back full time.  I was thinking about my wife all the time, and not in a sexual way.  When I was with her I felt like I needed to do everything within my power to please her just like when we were dating, and when I was away I was thinking about her and sending her little messages telling her that.  I could feel my heart beating in my chest all the time.  It was great.

 

Well, one orgasm, and that all changed.  It went back to 20 year relationship love, and it stayed there for a week or two.  Then when the belt broke and I could jerk off at will, I wasn’t thinking about her much at all, I was just thinking about how good it felt to jerk off, and when I could do it again.

 

So I locked myself back up, and in just a few days I can feel that romantic love feeling growing again.  It’s still there, it’s not as strong as it was after 4 months, but at least I know it’s there and that I can grow it again.  So that is my motivation, I want to feel that way again, and right now I’d rather feel that way than have an orgasm, as good as they feel.  The human body is a strange thing.

 

It makes me wonder if there’s a biological relationship.  Is it possible that as men go longer without that they fall into romantic love and treat their possible mates better to increase the chance of procreation?  Makes sense, but masturbating ruins it too easily for it to make sense.

 

Oh well, I’m not qualified to get into development of the species on this blog, so to summarize, I can’t wait for the crazy infatuation love to kick in!

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August 21st, 2011, day 148 (sort of), updates:


OK, so I’ve been away from the blog for a while.  Largely it’s just that I haven’t had the time to collect my thoughts since I’ve been working a full time job and doing a side project at night, but on top of that my thoughts have been really mixed since my accidental orgasm.  After that we got right back into it, but a few days later the ring on my CB6000s broke, so I was out for a few days, which really killed the momentum.  My wife gave me sex, which I thought I wanted, but afterwards regretted, and I masturbated A LOT for the few days I was out.  I still have to order the replacement ring, but to control myself I locked back up using a larger ring.  I can technically pull out if I want to, but I couldn’t get back in without the key, so I’m basically back under my wife’s control.

 Since I’ve been busy I haven’t had as much time to serve her either, which she has noted and accepted, but doesn’t like, and thinks I’m losing interest.  We discussed coming up with a contract, with some “safe words” that could be used in obvious and less obvious ways.  EI, it would allow me to complain or beg to be released, but unless I used the safe word she would know it was part of the play.  She could also establish punishment for too much begging or bad behavior.  But maybe less obvious I could use a safe word if I really was just too busy to take care of a task.  I don’t like having that out, but based upon how busy and deadline sensitive my work can be I think I need it so she knows I’m not just ignoring her orders.

 The contract would also stipulate punishment and reward structure, and maybe would continue to push her into exerting more control.  I think she’s gotten used to the level of our current play and it’s a good time to try to step it up a little.  We’re still waiting for the strap on to arrive, I think that will be fun and step up our play a bit.

 Anyway, that’s that, I’m still locked, still enjoying it.  I’m about to write another post strictly about some emotional stuff that I’ve been finding interesting.

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August 15th, 2011, Day 142, wrong package:


So my mail came today, a nice big package that I was excited to see, assuming it was our new strap on.  Opened it up excitedly, and it was the wrong order.  Sex toys, but not our sex toys.  I was excitedly awaiting the chance to make love to my wife with a fake dick.  It sounds weird even to me as I say it.  I sometimes wonder why my ideas of fun are so strange.

I’ve had a lot of work to do in the evenings, so I haven’t been able to address chores with as much enthusiasm, and my wife has definitely noticed.  I think it’s just because I’m busy, but the more she questions it the more I wonder if I’m loosing enthusiasm.  For a while it was fun because it had been so long.  Now that I’m at an in between length, it seems like a lot to get up to the length where it’s new and a challenge.

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August 9th, 2011, Day 136, the morning after:


So, I’ve been a little less ambitious about posting the last few days.  I’m not sure what it is, other than not having much new to say.  Things are slipping into the routine.  I’m locked again after my little accident this weekend, and I’m not sure what it is, if it’s the “freshly orgasmed” guilt and disappointment, or the frustration of knowing it will be two more months before I get to do it again, or the fact that my insurance company is stupid and didn’t get my (wife’s) prescription of birth control here in time, but somehow I’m feeling a little different/indifferent the last few days.

 

I think it’s mostly that I’m disappointed that I went four months and then blew it.  I was pretty confidant that I was going to be able to go the full 410 days without an orgasm, and I could have, if I wasn’t stupid.  I asked my wife to let me fuck her with the penis sleeve, and I really had no expectation to get off in it.  It was a great orgasm, but I think I wanted to really think about my first orgasm after my long chastity for days or weeks, and I didn’t get the chance to anticipate it that much.

 

On the plus side, my wife was really enjoying the sex.  On the down side, it took 7.5 inches of dick to make her enjoy it, and I still got off too soon.  I’m having a hard time getting over my humiliation fetish when I don’t have the prowess to please her even with a prosthetic dick.

 

I did order us up a straight forward strap on today.  That should be a total mind fuck.  I’m so excited to get her off with a big 8” dick while I’m still locked up.

 

Anyway, that’s about it for now, I have to get back to laundry so I can get done before she get’s home.  I’m hoping she’s had a few drinks and is in the mood for “Magic”

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August 7th, 2011, Day 134, sort of…


Well, here’s the short version of a long story.  So last night my wife and I went to get tattoos.  We were having a few things done, including getting her name and the infinity symbol above my crotch.  The other work took so long, and our babysitting plans had changed, so we didn’t have time to get that piece done.  She wants to reschedule soon, so it will just be a little delayed.

 

We came home and I had my first release in five months.  We took a shower and decided that we were going to have sex with our penis sleeve, the kind that my penis goes into and it lengthens and widens it.  We’ve used it before with great success.  It was going well, she was getting really excited and about to climax, when to my great surprise, I got off inside the sleeve.  This has never happened before, and I didn’t think was really possible.  It’s thick and really doesn’t give me any feeling, but I guess after four months with no relief it was enough.

 

It happened so fast that I didn’t even realize it was happening or I probably would have stopped.  It felt so good, but I was so embarrassed because even with a penis extension/sleeve, I couldn’t last long enough for my wife to get off.  I rolled over and seriously felt like I was going to pass out, my body was numb and drained.  I was relieved but ashamed, and really wished I had just stayed in my cage.

 

There’s a lot more to say, but I have to go buy groceries.  My wife told me I could either put the cage back on immediately or in the morning if I wanted a night free, but that in that case I would have to wear a diaper, as I frequently wet the bed, but haven’t since wearing the CB6000s. Since my penis was about as deflated as I’ve ever seen it, I chose the cage, locked myself up, and went to bed.

 

Since my wife had gotten so close to a huge orgasm, and since one of the goals is to eventually have her more interested in penetrative sex, she agreed to let my buy a strap-on and use it on her, which is something I’ve always wanted to do.  We discussed what she wanted, natural looking and feeling, 7-8 inches and WIDE!  I doubt she’ll ever really want my 4-4.5” if this is really what she’s looking for, but I’m excited about staying locked up and using the strap-on on her.

 

Since I made it 5 weeks this time, we set a new challenge, 2 months in the cage before my next release.  I’m not sure if there will be an orgasm included, but it’s a long ways off anyway.  So today is my first “morning after” in the cage.  It’s kind of rough on my head.  I had a great orgasm last night, and now know I won’t have another for at least two months.  Last time I was voluntarily chaste for three months before slipping into the CB.

 

So the final question is how to count days now…  if I should start over, or keep my original start date, but acknowledge that I’m getting releases ever two-four months…  For now I’m going to keep a running tab, I guess a few orgasms per year is still worth writing about.

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